I suppose

I just don't want to be tied down to anything. I don't want to be forced to do a damn thing anymore, especially by myself. I hate feeling guilt over nothing. I MISS being productive, but seeing as I am about to try and be as productive as I can be in regards to my health, to WRITING, to "music", to "acting" to "film editing", to fiscal gain, I suppose I can allow myself a mini vacation to enjoy myself. My father is not at work today, off gambling, the only thing that allows him any semblance of happiness. It seems to allow him to feel absolute despair too. A week ago he won a few thousand dollars, gave me two grand (I think he actually won 6-7 grand), deposited the rest in a bank, went to the bank today to do some "banking" (which I think makes him feel like a real adult since he hasn't had a bank account since 20), which I guess means withdrawing three or four grand and putting them all in a slot machine. For someone who knows so many languages and considers himself to be very very smart, how can he enjoy playing slot machines? (I've been therE)