smoked the rest of my weed last night with dom

I was so out of it mentally; Jess told a story of us on our backs kicking our legs up and me thinking it was so amusing... I said I don't remember that at all. I took insults from Dom and whitney because I didn't care, they were clowning on Matt Davis.. sounds so gay that I'm going to stay with him, but only cause I'm letting it be. Our lives don't need to intersect THAT much. I'm thinking about what I could do to liven up a lady's day, music is probably the only way, after that film and magic and being sweet and being funny on camera. I don't know, I'm tired of it here, and even though I worry about feeling something similar in Florida, at least I won't be in san ramon anymore. I've developed a passive attitude where I'm not trying to grow in any department. I might move to Santa Cruz when it's all said and done...

I felt so mentally out of it, mostly cause I didn't care. I just didn't care about dom's TEENAGE friends and his crappy girlfriend or even that Jess was there. Such non-personal friends that I didn't feel like explaining myself to. Does football really stop crime? Are we in that dire need of entertainment to make us forget? I think so. Do I feel like playing guitar right now? I'd rather play something in bed. I guess that's why I'm writing. Maybe I could read. I need to pack today and maybe do a little bit of laundry but that's it. I leave tomorrow morning. It's weird, I don't feel much anxiety, mostly because I postponed this for a week. I don't know what I'm in for, I just know I'm going to try as hard as I can because there's nothing else I CAN do. I'll be bored as hell if I don't do that.